


don't let me d(r)own

by dxfsin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Don't take this serious, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kinda, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, bc i'm not funny, coco is mentioned too, depending on that there might be additions to the ships/tags, i don't have ocd, idk if there is gonna be a 2nd chapter, it's just bc of thoughts and the mention of, it's just supposed to be kinda cute bye, means idk what i'm talking about, oh and, pls squint to be able to see most of the ships, there are explanations in the notes for some tags i used, there is food, this doesn't really have a plot, this is soft ok, use of the word "hyung" bc i think brother sounds stupid c.c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-25 22:53:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18711328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxfsin/pseuds/dxfsin
Summary: "For you, this still felt unreal. It didn't make sense at all but you could call him yours."- aka a pretty plotless little story about random thoughts and things happening while hanging out with the boys of stray kids and got7; and some moments of felix being a good boyfriend.[read the tags/notes]





	don't let me d(r)own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my little fluff bub Alex.. sorry it took me ages & that it's not that long but I love you](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+little+fluff+bub+Alex..+sorry+it+took+me+ages+%26+that+it%27s+not+that+long+but+I+love+you).



> Hello pls read this before you continue to scroll down!
> 
>  
> 
> Ok so first of all thanks for actually clicking on this fanfic oof~
> 
> Second thing: This is a very very very belated present for my bestie.. I tagged it as /Reader BUT it's written in her pov so it's still her I had in mind while writing this. And she is her own person.. so the whole thing is kinda "custom" made for her. (hence why her best friend isn't actually tagged as original female character.. bc that's me so if you're bothered by that/don't like to read that kinda stuff, maybe don't read this ^^'
> 
> Last thing: the ocd tag. my bestie struggles with that and as I said I wrote this FOR her and with HER in mind.. that's why I attempted to include it. It's a part of her and she likes angsty stuff so urm.. I couldn't just make her ocd vanish bc it would make it less relatable for her.  
> So excuse me if you think I did a horrible job at hinting at it.. I really tried to personalize it without getting into too much detail bc I don't know how her brain works asdfghjkl
> 
> I suck at tagging so if you feel like I should add smth pls feel free to tell me. I hope you'll somewhat enjoy this!

"I can't believe it's already been a year since you moved here and started working at JYP!", Mark giggled excitedly. "We should celebrate this, Aleeex~", Jeongin chimed in before he took a bite from the apple in his hand. You just shook your head, smiling at their enthusiasm.   
Most of the boys, you and a few other staffs were resting in one of the big common rooms in the new entertainment building. You were sitting on one of the big couches in the corner, Hyunjin leaning against your shoulder while patting Minho's hair. Said boy was laying in the youngers lap, nodding off now and then. To your left was Felix who pressed himself against your side as close as possible.. well, as far as the sprawled out Changbin on his legs would allow him to. BamBam and Yugyeom -which were cuddling next to Mark- sat across you. Both of them focusing on a video on BamBam's phone. The youngest of the group was munching on his food while listening to the story Mark was telling him happily. In another corner Woojin, Seungmin and Youngjae were busy playing with Coco, entertaining the little white dog. Everyone was in their own little world so you started to get lost in your thoughts.

Almost a year ago you decided to move out. You couldn't handle the small town you were living in, any longer. It always had been a dream of yours to leave all of this behind. Starting over in another country, putting your past behind and just living the life you always wanted. Packing was no problem.. at all. It honestly was the easiest part but the biggest problem was, you didn't want to be alone. Making friends had been one of your biggest struggles ever since you could remember. Eventually, karma had planned to be nice to you for once, sending you a super nice -read: crazy- human being through twitter and the both of you became close friends real quick. Luckily your friend had the same goal as you. Leaving home as fast as possible. You made plans on moving to Seoul together and that's what happened last year. Your roommate -Kayla- was a year older than you and treated you like a little sister. In a good way of course.. most of the time. She made sure to tell you how much she loved you, as often as possible without overdoing it.   
You had a tendency to overthink a lot of things but she tried her best to help you even though she had her own struggles. She was the one who told you to go for that social media manager job. Ok maybe she didn't just tell you to do it.. more like she dragged you by the hair in front of your laptop, yelling at "your angsty ass to fucking apply for it" or else she "would force you to listen to her chewing a whole fucking pack of gum next to your ear, while squeaking with that god damn plastic foil smaller bottles come in" and you would rather jump off a roof, into a pit filled with sharks, than having to go through that. So you applied for it and look where it had brought you. Hanging out with JYP artists and being friends with most of them -except for Mister Felix Lee because that weirdo was your boyfriend of about 3 months-. It still was super surreal to you because.. H O W?!   
One of your first and closest friends was Jackson. When you had your first workday, you two had walked into each other and he had started talking to you. Obviously, he had never seen you before, so he was curious as to who you were and what your job here was.   
Since then, he made sure to accompany you whenever he could. He kinda treated you like a little sister, considering your age gap of 5 years, a sibling-like relationship between you two was basically given. You were glad he approached you first because you would've never done that. You're way too shy for that, so you really were thankful that he looked after you. Thinking of Jackson.. where was he?   
He, Jinyoung and Jaebeom had wanted to buy some food for all of you because sometimes organic meals had to be replaced by the greasiest fast food.. cheat days, ya know? They said it would take them about an hour and it had been one and a half already, so you began to worry the slightest bit. Every time the boys went outside without security guards and/or managers, it would most likely turn into a mess. Like for real, "fans" would basically hunt them down the streets, just to get a glimpse of their beloved idols and honestly speaking, it terrified you. Just when you were about to freak out, the door opened and the three of them walked in, bags in their hands, filled with way too much food. "We're back!", Jackson yelled and startled Minho and Changbin who had been sleeping peacefully until now. Which got him glares from half of the guys. Especially Hyunjin didn't seem too impressed when he looked over to Felix and Changbin to find the elder whining that he wanted to continue sleeping. You just shook your head. "Jackson, you really need to tone it down a bit sometimes.", you scolded him in a calm manner. He scratched his neck and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake the babies. I just got excited because of the food, ya know." Mark rolled his eyes and looked at his boyfriend in faked disappointment. "You'll seriously never change.." Jinyoung smacked the back of Jackson's head playfully. "..or learn.   
You always made the same mistake back then too." Jaebeom added while walking towards the small table in front of us. At that BamBam, Yugyeom, and Youngjae lifted their heads. "Is this about Jackson hyung being a noisy pain in the ass? Because if so, I got a lot to say about this specific topic." BamBam got up and walked over to the mentioned person. Jackson just side-eyed him as the Thai put his arm around his shoulders. "Don't say anything if you can't handle the consequences that come with it, buddy." You could see BamBam contemplating if he should really say something or not. In the end, he didn't. "Yeah, I thought so too.", Jackson patted the taller's head and sat down. One after another joined the table and grabbed something to eat. Hyunjin looked around slightly confused. "Urm by the way, where are Chan hyung, Kayla and Jisung?", he said. Jaebeom raised a brow and looked at Yugyeom. "Didn't you say they would join us?" Yugyeom just shrugged. "Well, I said they would join us as soon as Jisung and Kayla get Chan off his laptop without him complaining." "Yeah, that's impossible." Everyone looked at Changbin.   
He was casually slurping a spoonful of his soup. "On bad days not even Jeongin can stop him from working and you all know how much he loves him. I mean, who doesn't?", Changbin explained and took another sip. "Well, that's kinda why I told Jisung to take Kayla with him.", Yugyeom said as he started to pile food on his chopsticks. BamBam nodded in agreement while the other boys looked clueless. "Might wanna enlighten us as to why this would help? When he's focused on finishing a song, nothing can get through to him. BamBam said so himself.", Jinyoung asked. "Chan hyung even ignores basic human needs, I really don't get how Kayla's presence would change that?", Felix commented. "Don't tell me they don't know?", BamBam looked at Woojin. The latter just smiled and shook his head. "I don't think they do." BamBam threw back his head an groaned. "Oh c' mon, you're kidding right?" "Seriously? But it's so painfully obvious!", Yugyeom stared at Woojin in disbelief and started laughing hysterically. You kinda had an idea where this was going and honestly, this would make things way easier. "This actually explains a lot.", you threw in and put your food back on the table. "Wait what explains a lot? And what exactly does it explain?" Hyunjin looked more confused than before and it was one of the cutest things ever. "I'm pretty sure they're talking about the fact that Chan has the biggest crush on Kayla but I could be wrong," Mark stated with a full mouth. Disgusting. "50 points for Ravenclaw!", BamBam yelled and pointed towards Mark. The others made noises of surprise.   
A screeching Jeongin could be heard. "Wait, what?!" "You're joking, right?", Youngjae put down Coco who just wiggled her tail. "That's new.. when the hell did that happen?", Jaebeom voiced out. You tried to ignore the little crumbles that fell out of his mouth. For real, have none of these boys ever heard of table manners in their lives before? Ugh. "So Chan likes Kayla? Interesting..", Minho leaned back and smirked and you couldn't help but join him. "Why are you two making the same face?" Seungmin eyed both of you with a questioning expression. Minho and you, on the other hand, looked at each other. "Because we might have the information that Kayla likes Chan." Changbin spat out his food while Jackson started coughing. "No need to choke.", you said half-jokingly while Felix next to you tried to clean the mess Changbin just made. "Excuse you but WHAT?!" BamBam's yell startled everyone, except Minho and you. Both of you just started laughing, because this whole situation was so funny and simply absurd. "What fucking k-drama is this?" Jinyoung groaned. "So Jisung is third-wheeling two lovebirds that are way too oblivious to each other's feelings because they're in love... with each other?", Jaebeom summarized. "Basically, yeah.", Minho agreed. "Poor Jisung." You snorted at Seungmin's half-assed attempt to show empathy. He didn't sound the slightest bit honest and you weren't the only one to notice because pretty much everyone in the room started laughing. "Wait, why didn't you go with them, Minho?", Youngjae asked after a while. "I mean I love Jisung but if I have the option to avoid Kayla secretly staring at Chan's dimples in adoration, I'll definitely pass and stay here even if that means I have to sacrifice my boyfriend.", he said while taking a bite from one of many chicken wings. Jinyoung snorted. "When the maknaes weren't around and Markson weren't dating yet, I often ditched Jaebeom too. It was so unbearable to watch them."   
Jaebeom just rolled his eyes and started chewing his food angrily. "Still mad at you for that." Jinyoung scooted closer and put an arm around Jaebeom's shoulders. Softly pinching one of his boyfriend's cheeks with the other hand. "Oh c'mon, you pretend like both of you didn't act like that before you started going out. I bet my ass you did.", Jackson stated while leaning forward to grab a bottle of water. "None of you were really around at that time so we could easily deny that.", Jinyoung countered. "We actually can deny it because we weren't lovey-dovey and all heart eyes like all of you.", Jaebeom added. Jinyoung next to him started shaking his head. "We were worse.. like the opposite of you." "No, YOU were worse. I was just slightly jealous whenever you'd hang around the other trainees or idols and maybe get a bit angry at you back in the dorm. You, on the other hand, were a petty bitch just because I looked at the wrong person." "I wasn't that bad. YOU always yelled at me and snapped because of literally anything." "Excuse you? I wasn't the one complaining about every little thing that wasn't to my standard. You threw things after me! All. the. time." "Oh come on, that was maybe two or three times and it's not like a remote can hurt you." "So you're telling me all those plates, glasses, bowls, lamps, our phones, suitcases and our old pc keyboard aren't counting, only the remote and other light things like tissues and pillows? There was one time you threw a plant after me. A FUCKING PLANT!" All of you looked at Jinyoung in shock. What the actual fuck? "I always thought Jaebeom hyung had the worse temper, but I guess we were wrong all along.", BamBam said as he looked at their leader. Everyone knew Jinyoung and Jaebeom hadn't always been best friends.. or friends at all. But none of you would've guessed it was that bad. "That explains a lot of the holes, scratches and stains in the old dorm. Basically any damage on all the furniture.. I just thought JYP gave us all the old stuff from the 2PM hyungs.", Mark concluded. Jinyoung scratched his neck. "Nah, he was just sick of buying new things all the time." "Yeah, he told us, that whatever we'd ruin he wouldn't replace and that if we wanted new stuff we would've to work twice as hard to really earn it." Even though it sounded like a hard time, Jaebeom smiled as he said that. "Good old times. I kinda miss carelessly throwing things after you." "As if you don't do that anymore." Jaebeom shoved his boyfriend away and laughed when he almost fell down the couch. "Wow. Incredible how much you two changed but still stayed the same. How is that even possible.", Woojin tilted his head. It indeed was a mystery to you. You had heard so many stories from the GOT7 guys and you could tell they grew up. They became more mature but still had this inner child that would show sometimes. Maybe that's why you got along with them that well. They knew the right time to behave a certain way, which was pretty impressive. "When we are in our 6th year I want Stray Kids to be like GOT7. I still wanna have fun in what we're doing, I want us to be as close as possible. I don't want to get annoyed by your faces, I want everything to stay the same between us and to grow as a whole, all together as one. Because you feel like home to me and I don't want that feeling to ever change.", Jeongin said while munching on a piece of meat as if it was the most casual thing to do. Wow, that hit right in the feels. Everyone in the room just stopped what they're doing and stared at him in awe. "Jeongin..", Hyunjin tried to talk but he probably was pretty speechless. As you could judge by his face. His mouth just opened and closed again without any noise coming out of it. Minho stood up and walked over to where Jeongin was sitting. "Of course, baby! Anything you want!", Minho said while squishing the youngest stuffed cheeks. "Oh my god, you really wanna see me cry today, don't you?", Felix sniffled. You pulled him in for a hug before small tears actually started to roll down his cheeks. Youngjae smiled brightly and looked at Woojin, who was sitting next to him "You have such a sweet maknae." "Yeah, we got Yugyeom so.. can't relate.", Jinyoung said. "HYUNG DON'T RUIN THEIR MOMENT BY TRASHING ME!"   
"Who's having a moment? What did I miss?" Everyone turned around to see Jisung walking into the room, looking curious as to what was going on. Behind him were Kayla and Chan, the latter holding open the door for her to walk inside. "Finally a guy in this room with decent manners.", you thought out loud, looking at the mess the other boys had made while eating. Your boyfriend next to you giggled cutely at that statement. The others probably hadn't heard you because they were busy explaining that Jeongin just had said the sappiest shit ever. Chan wiped away an imaginary tear, but you could tell that he actually was touched. Jeongin wasn't someone to just say stuff like that. Which meant he had thought about it more than just a few times.. kinda made it more meaningful in your eyes.   
You were like that too. The only difference being, that even then, you couldn't say those things out loud. Writing it down was no problem at all, but emotional stuff like that simply never left your lips. Felix on the other hand always made sure to tell you at least once a day how much he loved you. You loved him too, you just couldn't really say it as he did? Whenever he said "I love you" it felt so sincere and never out of place, even if he yelled it while you made a movie break and he went to take a wee. It just never felt awkward.   
Nothing felt awkward when you were by his side. He made you feel at ease, calmed your nerves like he was some sort of tranquillizer. Of course, your anxiety still was there, it just didn't terrify you as much as it had a year ago. You still felt nervous on certain occasions and you still had your ocd's, hell sometimes you thought they'd never let you live in peace, but Felix somehow managed to distract you from a few of your ticks in more intense situations. He couldn't make them vanish, simply considering to think like that was ridiculous, but he made them more bearable. He spared you most panic attacks or the pre-stage of them. He would hold your hand, constantly talk to you while looking at you from time to time, to make sure you were focusing on whatever bullshit story he was telling you, instead of your stupid thoughts. Sometimes that worked.. on some days, on the other hand, him being there made it worse.   
You knew that he'd never judge you for any of your little coping mechanisms or habits but on bad days you just wanted to hide in your room and never leave your bed again. You didn't want him to see you like this because there was always the voice in the back of your head that brought up the possibility of Felix leaving you for someone that wasn't... broken. Some pretty girl he could just randomly take a walk to the mall with or visit the cinema without him having to think about looking out for little things, that could trigger you or make your mood switch in an instant. Felix sensed you were overthinking something again and put his small hand on your thigh, squeezing it to get you out of your deep thoughts. He looked up from his current position and cutely blinked at you. He then sat up straight and put his free arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his chest. You nuzzled closer to his neck and wrapped your arm loosely around his waist. After taking a few deep breathes and focusing on his heartbeat, your thoughts calmed down. That pretty much always did the job in situations like this. Instead of overthinking, you made a note to yourself to make plans with the others on how to get Chan and your best friend together. Without being like "both of you bitches like each other" of course, because that just would make it awkward. Both of them would get way too embarrassed, shy, blushing and stumbling over their own words and all that shit.   
That would be painful to watch so you had to find another way. For now, you decided on enjoying the cuddle session with your boyfriend though.   
  
Five weeks and three failed attempts to get Chayla - the name was Hyunjin's and Felix' idea- together, you unlocked the door to your apartment when you heard oil sizzling in a pan. Your nose welcomed one of the tastiest aromas it ever smelled in its existence and you couldn't help but smile at the image that popped up in your head. You hastily took off your shoes, placed your bag on the ground and waddled into your kitchen. You weren't disappointed when your eyes were met with the exact picture you had in mind a few seconds ago. Felix was standing in front of the stove, currently focusing on cooking something for the both of you. You took three big steps and wrapped your arms around his waist, nuzzling your nose against his back. "You're lucky I heard the door, otherwise we'd be in big trouble right now." He put the pan on one of the stove plates that were off and turned around. Taking your face into his small hands to squish it. This kinda had become a routine. You didn't know why he did it.   
Whenever you asked him about it he just shrugged and said you looked too cute to handle. After a while, you got used to it because it didn't seem like he'd stop that in the near future and it did no harm. Plus it made Felix all giggles and smiles so it was totally worth getting your face squished together. "Why are you already home?" You raised a brow. It was super rare that Felix got to go home earlier than you because usually, they trained until 11 pm. "The manager said we've been doing well for this comeback's preparations and that we're slightly ahead of the actual schedule so we finished early today and got the day off for tomorrow." Your eyes widened. Did that mean what you thought it meant? "Yes, I'm staying the night.", he said as he let go of your face to take your hands in his. "Only if you want me to, of course." You nodded while smiling softly at him. "As if I'd ever be able to say no to your cute face." Upon hearing that, his smile turned into this bright and blinding grin that made him look like the sun itself. You loved that expression on him because he radiated so much happiness while looking like that. He finally pulled you into a hug and pressed you against his chest.   
The moment went by quicker than anticipated when he softly held you at an arm's length. "Let's eat before it gets cold." You nodded and helped him by setting the table. Felix put the pots and bowls on the table while you sat down. He joined you shortly after and you two started eating and casually talking about your days. "So.. what do you wanna do? Go to bed early, play some card games, watch some movies or something?", Felix asked you after putting the dishes away. You just shrugged your shoulders, because it didn't really matter to you. The only thing you actually wanted was being held by your boyfriend.. and he somehow knew. "How about some good old cuddling on the couch while watching Buffy?" You nodded and added another reason to love him on your list. Felix just knew what you needed. You loved Buffy and he didn't care that this would already be your third time watching it together. You weren't one to just simply say what you want. Not because of the "oh I just really want you to know me that well" factor like a lot of people out there, more like you couldn't voice it. Depending on the situation you just didn't want anyone to judge you based on what series you chose to watch, or what opinion you had on a certain topic. You didn't want to be looked at differently based on the things you preferred or thought. Hence why you were basically a yes-sayer. You didn't want to offend or hurt anyone either.   
So whenever something came up that you didn't really want to do -as a friend asks you to go out with them to go shopping- you'd rather suffer from the pain of walking from shop to shop; squeezing through way too many people for your liking; than telling your friend no. The worst part about this. A lot of people didn't realise that, forcing you over and over to things that made you feel so bad or even anxious. They didn't know, which wasn't exactly their fault.. You never said anything so how could they possibly know? On the other hand, there were your new friends who rarely made you feel uncomfortable. Sure, in the beginning, it happened a lot but when you started to bring Kayla along she tried to prevent things. Overall not having to be there by yourself with people you've never mentioned this to before was a little.. relieving. You told her about your little problem. How? You couldn't remember what made you tell her but you just felt like it was the right thing to do. Something about her made you feel safe. Of course, there were still things you couldn't tell her and probably never would but you knew that she knew that there were other things that bothered you. She was fine with not knowing about them though. Not like she didn't want to know, she just accepted that it was too hard for you to tell her.   
Kayla just always tried to help you fight your little demons even though she should be busy with her own. She made sure to encourage you to come out of your shell step by step, always telling you how much she loved you and not expecting you to say it back. Just like Felix, she knew it was hard for you.. both knew you loved them. And still, you couldn't keep the thoughts away of losing them. That they could suddenly change their minds and decide they didn't want you in their lives anymore. It kept you in constant fear and made you either distant or clingy and you hated both states. If you were distant it made you feel like a bad friend. Made you think they could take it as disinterest in your relationship. But if you were clingy you were sure they'd get annoyed by it at some point. It made you feel pathetic. You couldn't keep it balanced because it always depended on your mood and that could change faster than the speed of light. It honestly frustrated you so much. You knew you had to do something about it. Both of them kept telling you to go talk to a psychiatrist. Even Chan helped by recommending some good ones that the company's psychologist had mentioned to him the first few times he went there.   
But the thing was, you couldn't bring yourself to go there. Because it meant you would've to talk about everything.   
And honestly, you knew you'd never do that. Talking to a psychiatrist would mean confrontation with your problems, actually approaching them and dealing with them in a healthy manner unlike now. Your parents thought everything went away a few years ago, they thought you were doing better and you wanted them to keep believing that. You didn't want them to worry. You didn't want anyone to worry about you because you hated the feeling of that. And as long as you kept telling everyone that you were fine it wouldn't create a big scene. No attention that would get directed at you, just the way you preferred it. And if that meant to continue lying to yourself for the rest of your life then that would be alright with you. The only thing you really needed were people by your side that would support any decision you would make. So you let yourself believe for now that Felix and Kayla would stay. They had to. You needed them to..


End file.
